have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
