I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
