I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
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You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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