I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
