I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
