Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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