I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
