Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
