Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everyone says I win the strip club
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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