dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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