I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
