Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize