I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
