The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
