You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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