The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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