You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
