i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
