I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
