I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
