remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
