walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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