I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
