Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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