i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
