you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
