The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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