ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
