I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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