She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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