no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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