Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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