omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
