She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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