I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
