A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
