so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
