i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need moral support for this bender
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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