Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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