he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
