he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All I want is dick and wine.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
