i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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