apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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