Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
