ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
