I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
