I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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