Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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