Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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