I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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