Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
