im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
