just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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