Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She bit a glass in half.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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