plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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