btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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