I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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