I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
