ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
